Why Now?

Last night I was driving home from picking up my car at the mechanic & having dinner with Doug when I got a phone call from an out of state number, so I didn’t answer it. Previously in the day I got a few calls from an out of state number & they were trying to fax my cell phone so I assumed this was the same thing. I started wondering if some company had a misprint on their website & now all these people would be faxing me but I quickly discovered that I was wrong. The mystery caller left a message & I listened to it & it was some noise & then a hang up so I figured it was a wrong number. The caller calls again & I again ignore the call because I assume that they dialed the wrong number again but again, they leave a message. I get stopped at a red light & decide to check the message…big mistake!

I suddenly hear the voice of bad relationship past and honestly come very close to vomiting, right in my car. My heart dove into my stomach like it was trying to hide and I actually started breathing erratically & for fear of hyperventilating I talked myself down. I went ahead & listened to the whole message which went something like “hey, how’s it going, I hadn’t talked to you in a while so I thought I’d see how you had been and what’s new and all, call me when you can either at this number or mine” the second the message was over I deleted it. This ex is the only ex I have who makes me feel this way, I have not spoken to him in a year and a half & have not seen him in 2 years, actually, almost exactly 2 years and I guess I kind of hoped I’d never hear from or see him ever again. Now, I’m on excellent terms with all of my living exes except for 2 & 1 has little to do with our relationship he’s just a really bad friend & I don’t have room for that. This guy though, made my life a living hell for so long, he treated me like crap, he made me feel bad about myself, he used me, and so on but obviously there were things that were good enough for me to stay until one day I just woke up. Suddenly, I realized that none of it was his fault it was all mine, my fault for allowing the behavior to continue so I ended it, for real ended it & that was that. I wasn’t as upset as I thought I would be about the split either, I actually felt much lighter & free & I loved it! Not long after that my life totally started turning around, I got a great job & started dating someone else which was good for a short time, then we opted for friendship instead. About 6 months after the split I hardly even thought of that bastard, I deleted him from my cell phone & my email address book, as far as any stranger would be concerned I don’t even know the douche bag & then poof, here he comes to ruin my day yet again! Do assholes like this have some sort of freaking radar or something? I mean, I’m very happy these days personally & professionally and then bam, here comes this shit! He was probably just chilling at home watching TV & then ding “I think Kel is happy, let’s ruin her night”.

I immediately called Wendy all in a frazzle & she talked me down. I have decided that I am going to call him, tell him I’m happy, wish him the best & leave it at that. I don’t want bad blood but I don’t want him thinking he can just roll back up in my life & treat me the way he did before. I am a different person than I was then but I know how he his & I don’t trust him, I don’t believe anything that comes out of his mouth but I know how he works. He’s one of these dudes that is like a chick if you will, batting his eyelashes acting all innocent & sweet & buttering you up to stab you when you aren’t expecting it then makes you think it was all your fault. Well, I’m older & wiser & refuse to fall for some bullshit antics like these. I wasn’t going to call at all but I realize that if I don’t he’s just going to call again in 6 months & make me feel like this all over again so today, I will return that effing call (thanks to another friend who still has his number) & make nice & then move on with my life leaving this situation a closed book that I never want to read again.