I've ended my relationship with my lover of 17 years!

Yes you read that right...my lover of 17 years, Marlboro has been kicked to the curb & all this time you guys thought I was single.  It occurred to me yesterday that cigarettes like any other addiction are a relationship & this was by far the worst relationship I've ever had & I didn't even know it.  I was talking to a friend yesterday & he said "how can you dis this relationship? weren't they always there for you?".  At first I said yes but then quickly realized that no, they weren't there for me when I needed them, I had to pay them to be there when I needed them they didn't just magically appear when I was feeling down or bored.  Some lazy days I even had to get dressed & go pick them up & pay them to come home with me.  Really?  I paid Marlboro to come home with me every single day & what did they do for me?  Absolutely nothing productive!  They helped me avoid my to-do list, made me smell really bad, ruined my teeth, ruined my lungs, blocked my sense of taste and smell, and most of all made me look like white trash.  I chose to ignore all of these signs & kept spending time with them anyway just hoping & praying that one day they would in some way realize that I was worth more or just go away.  They never did, they kept getting more & more expensive to spend time with & when I was busy doing something else they were just in the back of my mind telling me that I needed them.  I swear they brain washed me into thinking I was happy, just like some douche bag guy & guess what?  The douche bag guy would have been kicked to the curb after 2 months so why in the hell did I let these pricks hang around for so long?  

Well, they had a hold on me, I loved them & loved the way they made me feel, that they were always around & made every single thing I did better.  For a very long time there they had me convinced that I did need them after I eat, when I'm driving, when I'm watching TV, at work...anytime really but obviously I woke up & decided to tell the bastards just what I wanted out of life & that unfortunately they were no longer in the picture.  Shockingly, they didn't even stand up for themselves so that just proved my point that I didn't need to be with a lover who couldn't even say sorry & tell me why it was I needed to be with them.  So now here I am, 9 days without the bastards and I could care less, I feel good, I smell good, and I've realized that I'm better than needing to be with anything or anyone that doesn't need me back.  So Marlboro, I want you to go away & stay away from me, I do not need you in my life, you are a selfish one sided prick that doesn't even deserve my glance let alone my affections.  The last 17 years were mostly a blast but I've realized that was because of me, not you so you can suck it, I do not need you anymore!
photo courtesy Gary Neville blogs.soccernet.com