Weekly Horoscope

Here is your Real Detroit Weekly horoscope, enjoy!!

Awww Poor Oprah

She feels bad for being fat...well what took so long for her to say something? I liked Oprah back when she first started her show when she was super fat before she lost all of that weight in 88. Obviously she gained most of it back & she has been a yo-yo for like a decade, fat, thin, average, fat, thin...it never ends so why now does she feel the need to say something? Do you think it's the book she wrote with her obviously ex trainer about how to stay fit or do you think it's because she's had numerous shows about how to lose weight & keep it off? Nope, it's because she feels like a pig & has yet to decide on a dress for the Obama Inauguration. Oh boo hoo Oprah! Just be happy you get to attend & try to remember for a minute that it's NOT ABOUT YOU. There is no way you are going to get down to Michelle Obama size by the time January rolls around so that is probably why you have now decided that you want to be healthy not thin.

In her article she says: "I'm embarrassed," she writes. "I can't believe that after all these years, all the things I know how to do, I'm still talking about my weight. I look at my thinner self and think, `How did I let this happen again?'" She says as she eats a donut ;) She of course had to blame someone or something for her recent weight gain: In the piece, Winfrey, 54, details her recent struggles with an out-of-balance thyroid and how the condition made her develop "a fear of working out." She says she's added 40 pounds to her frame since she weighed 160 pounds in 2006.

Come on, fear of working out? Yep, that's why I skipped the gym yesterday, I'm afraid that treadmill is going to attack me! Like she can't afford to have someone assist with & monitor her workouts?

Well, her plan is this: Winfrey also writes that her goal is no longer to be thin; instead, she wants to be strong, healthy and fit (too bad Queen Latifah said it first). She hopes to get started with her upcoming "Best Life Week," starting Jan. 5 with an episode of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" during which she is expected to talk candidly about her weight. That's no surprise, she loves nothing more than talking about herself!!! Whatev Oprah...are you ever going to retire?

What's With The Stache?

The first time I spotted it I thought "maybe it's the lighting" then I started spotting it here & there & now, every time I look at Lauren Conrad all I see is her mustache!! Check out this pic of her shopping at Target, it's so obvious & I know she can afford a wax so what's the deal?

Weekend Roundup

Living Single: You Don't Want Kids?

Prop 8, The Musical

Fred sent this to me & I thought it was too great not to post!

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

Strange Realization

I had the most strange realization yesterday...it has been almost 11 months since I quit smoking & now when I'm on the road I've replaced my bad habit with road rage! Yesterday I went to Dearborn after work & when I left the office it was raining & had just started & it was probably about 39 or 40 degrees out & everyone was going 35. The speed limit on Southfield is 55 so I was totally irate! I was cussing at the lady in front of me from Southfield to Dearborn which took 40 minutes instead of 25. I could not get around her & she was keeping 3 lengths between her & the car in front of her...I on the other hand was leaving about a 1/4 car length & at one point was so irritated I wanted to just gun it & drive right up the ass end of her G6. My car is terrible in the winter so if I'm not having any problems then nobody else should, bottom line. It totally hit me though that before when traffic was backed up I'd just light up another smoke, that passes the time just fine but now I just need to leave & arrive STAT. Doug suggested I take a couple Ativan before getting on the freeway but then I'd be afraid I'd just pass out at the wheel. What's to do now? I guess it's probably better than smoking though so I'll just adjust...sooner or later!

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For The Record

I'm an idiot! This is what I got from Britney's documentary that she made to "clear the air" to show that she's really not crazy & that's she's smart & a good person. You know what? She is dumb as a box of rocks! Watching this documentary was like watching an interview with Sarah Palin...she tried so hard to sound so smart all the time that she sounded even more stupid! My favorite quote from the show (in reference to traveling all the time & having no time for herself) "first you fly to Paris, then you fly to Europe, it's crazy". Seriously? She's separating Paris from Europe? Is it it's own continent? I laughed my ass off throughout this whole show from her calling Kevin "my baby's daddy" when speaking to a dancer from a Broadway show to "people shave their head all the time" in reference to her shaving her own. Now, the girl still has great moves, she seems to be a good mom, well at least she did in the 3 minutes her kids were on the show, and she didn't seem as crazy as she did in the past but she wonders why she is so heavily stalked by the paps! Well Brit, you are stalked by the paps because you do stupid & crazy shit all the effing time!! Obviously the whole thing was a publicity stunt since her new album is coming out but I guess I just have to say that she sounded like she wanted people to feel sorry for her, awww poor millionaire girl. All I have to say is that if she hates fame so much she needs to stop making records & appearing on TV, hello! Oh, I forgot to mention her dad...Jamie Spears=White Trash as he's standing at the stove making his baby girl some cheesy grits in his wife beater!! The whole family is a mess, bottom line & this documentary only makes it more obvious.

SWAT Face Off on Turkey Day

This has to be one of the best stories I've heard in a long time. So apparently on Thanksgiving night in Montgomery Twp, NJ there was a 5 hour standoff between SWAT and a gentleman who was inside a local bank and assumed to be attempting to rob the bank. The alarm at the bank went off so local police came to check it out & discovered the man inside & then SWAT got involved. Three apartment buildings in the immediate area were evacuated just to be safe. Bull horns & phone calls were used to attempt to make contact with the person inside the bank & no response was given, no contact came from inside at all so after the long & tiring stand off SWAT decided to enter the building & when they did, they discovered a cardboard cutout of a person. There was nobody inside & nobody knows what tripped up the alarm but it could have been a large dust bunny, a big bug, a mouse, but certainly not a stationary piece of cardboard!!! Talk about a waste of tax dollars.

Beyond Full

Ok so the holiday was good for me but not for my waistline! I ate so much food over the 4 days that I was off it probably could have fed a small nation. After having the feast on Thursday I attended a memorial for a dear friend's mother & the food there was also killer & a buffet so I over stuffed myself yet again, then that night I ate a pizza. Saturday & Sunday I did my best to "eat well" but ended up cleaning out the fridge & feasting on things like corn dogs, tacos, and chicken fingers. I fully plan to go to the gym after work today...assuming I can get through the door! I am eating my lunch now & it's good but I know I'll still be hungry when it's gone, it's definitely going to take a few days for my stomach to re-adjust to smaller portions.

Speaking of the holiday weekend, I heard some of the awful stories of Black Friday. One Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death when he opened the doors & when the store had to close due to the death people were actually pissed off!! In another store in CA 2 men ended up shooting & killing each other initially because of something involving their women getting in a fight over some toy or something & then they started chasing each other shooting & ended up dead. Again, the store had to close & people were pissed!! What the eff has this nation come to? This my friends is why I don't do black Friday...I'm small & don't need to get run over just to buy some video game unit or some shuch shit.