"I Calls Em Like I Sees Em!"

Dec 30, 2008

The City vs. The Hills


I'll admit it right now, I prefer The City to The Hills hands down. I know we only got 2 episodes so far but the best part about the show is the fact that Heidi & Spencer aren't on it & that Olivia Polermo (sp) girl is doing a great job at making a fool of herself on TV!! I am going to say that I find Whitney more interesting than Lauren, don't get me wrong I like Lauren & all but Whitney is much more level headed & actually had to work to get where she is unlike Lauren who seems to have had things just given to her all of her life. So I totally agreed with Kelly when she told Whitney that she maybe can't trust either of those guys & being a new girl in NYC, I wouldn't trust anybody!! Jay kind of reminds me of an East Coast Justin Bobby because he acts like he's "too cool" for the city & I hate those people. He is hot though, I'll give him that & when that other guy was telling her that he heard that Jay was trying to get back with his ex I would have told him that it didn't matter, even if he did so what? They haven't decided to be an exclusive couple so really, they both have the right to date & sleep with whomever they choose!!! Anyway, I can't wait for the rest of the season to play out as I'm sure that plenty of drama will ensue!!

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Bromance = Brody Jenner is Gay


Ok kids, last night I caught bits & pieces of the not so highly anticipated new MTV series "Bromance" where reality star/son of athletic celeb, Brody Jenner is looking for a new BFF. First of all the name says it all and while by definition the word Bromance is a non-sexual relationship between two straight men that are unusually close this whole show points to GAY! Now like I said I didn't see the whole ep though I did DVR it & plan to watch it to further analyze the severe homosexual nature of the show but the only thing I really needed to see was the elimination, portion of the show. Let me explain it for you...so Brody (who mentions numerous times how every woman wants him) tells the guys that someone is going to be eliminated & he's going to the hot tub to think it over & once he's made his decision ALL the guys are to meet him in the hot tub & he'll tell them who got cut. I'm sorry but dude, a bunch of guys in bathing suits in a hot tub fighting to "be with" Brody Jenner...that sounds pretty gay to me. Am I wrong here? Feel free to check out the site at MTV.com & you can watch full episodes & decide for yourself!!
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Dec 22, 2008

Very Country Christmas

So as I prepare to embark on my journey to TN for the holidays there is a damn good chance I won't be posting much while I'm away. So, I figured I'd leave you with links to a couple games to keep you busy until I get back!!

First, try your hand at throwing shoes at George Bush :)

And once that gets old why not try shooting Bin Laden in a liquor store :)

Both games are highly addictive so I hope you enjoy them & have a great Christmas!!
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Dec 19, 2008

Lovely Detroit















Happy Holidays everyone...this blows!!
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Dec 18, 2008

Pivenometer



Apparently Jeremy Piven had to bail on his current Broadway show "Speed-the-Plow" due to a high mercury count. Not really sure what this means but I'll be his understudy is thrilled!! The playwright David Mamet had this to say in Variety regarding Piven's bizarre condition development.

"I talked to Jeremy on the phone, and he told me that he discovered that he had a very high level of mercury," Mamet told the entertainment trade mag. "So my understanding is that he is leaving show business to pursue a career as a thermometer."

Check the rest of the article at Yahoo!
photo courtesy of msn
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Dec 16, 2008

KarMadonna

So while performing in Rio it was super rainy outside & though Madonna had an umbrella guy he could only keep up when she was standing still. Basically, Madonna was dancing in the rain & fell on her ass & oddly enough it was during "She's Not Me" and let me tell ya, it took some cool points from her. I think it is perfect karma for her to fall on her ass while singing about how freaking awesome she is. As much as I love her she did some shitty stuff to Guy & their family & I think this was just a bit of karmic retribution. Check the video below, it's pretty funny!! It's kind of long but she falls about a minute into it :) I also noticed during my searches for this video that she has tripped before & almost fallen before during the same song...maybe she should give that one up!! She falls a lot actually but is pretty good about covering it up...a true dancer, you never stop, the show must go on!!

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Douche Marry's Fake Boobs


So, did you guys catch the Hills? Of course I did, you all know that I’m an embarrassed junkie! Now, here is what I had to say to my co-worker regarding the whole shebang:

So it wasn't true that Heidi was drugged like her mom thought...she was just wasted! Her comment "a lot a bit" in reference to how much she drank...that's how I would want to remember my wedding...you aren't supposed to get hammered until the reception, oh but that's right, they didn't have one!! Now, I was confused, did they get married at like 6 am or something? They were wasted on Patron at dinner & then hung-over & married the next morning, yet they married in daylight...I was very confused. I so agree about his nasty ass facial hair, he could have at least trimmed the stache so it wasn't curling over his upper lip; it was driving me crazy!

Those 2 are just sick & I can't wait for Whitney's show mainly because the Pratt's won't be on it!!! Oh, I also loved his repeated comments about how he wants her all to himself...only proving the point of everyone!! She even looked right at the camera at one point when he said something about being obsessed with her, maybe she thought the crew would save her, lol.

I don’t normally watch the after show but I happened to catch the beginning and when they showed the clip of Spencer talking Heidi into it & saying it should be just "us" for "us" with only "us" all about "us" and they kept showing the cover of Us magazine? It was hysterical!!

My favorite part of the whole episode though was Justin telling Stephanie to put up posters!!! I hit rewind like twice & was dying laughing.

This clip from Chelsea Lately about sums it up!!



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Dec 15, 2008

Who Throws a Shoe? Really?

This clip made my day, it's hysterical...I don't think it will ever get old!!

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Dec 12, 2008

Bettie Page Dies at 85


Bettie Page is by far the most memorable pin-up model to ever exist and she died yesterday in the hospital where she had been for a few weeks after suffering a heart attack and pneumonia. Her images and films, I'm certain, will continue to wow people for decades to come. Bettie was in Playboy magazine in 1955 as the Playmate of the month in January when the magazine was still getting started. She had a short lived career in the 50's before she became "born again" and quit the business. She was certainly controversial for her time but without her, who knows where women would be today. It's people like her who push the envelope regardless of how others think of them and they (whether they know it or not) pave the way for others to make their own choices and have more options throughout their lives. Bettie will certainly be missed but never forgotten!! For the full article from E! click here.
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Dec 10, 2008

Dec 9, 2008

Awww Poor Oprah


She feels bad for being fat...well what took so long for her to say something? I liked Oprah back when she first started her show when she was super fat before she lost all of that weight in 88. Obviously she gained most of it back & she has been a yo-yo for like a decade, fat, thin, average, fat, thin...it never ends so why now does she feel the need to say something? Do you think it's the book she wrote with her obviously ex trainer about how to stay fit or do you think it's because she's had numerous shows about how to lose weight & keep it off? Nope, it's because she feels like a pig & has yet to decide on a dress for the Obama Inauguration. Oh boo hoo Oprah! Just be happy you get to attend & try to remember for a minute that it's NOT ABOUT YOU. There is no way you are going to get down to Michelle Obama size by the time January rolls around so that is probably why you have now decided that you want to be healthy not thin.

In her article she says: "I'm embarrassed," she writes. "I can't believe that after all these years, all the things I know how to do, I'm still talking about my weight. I look at my thinner self and think, `How did I let this happen again?'" She says as she eats a donut ;) She of course had to blame someone or something for her recent weight gain: In the piece, Winfrey, 54, details her recent struggles with an out-of-balance thyroid and how the condition made her develop "a fear of working out." She says she's added 40 pounds to her frame since she weighed 160 pounds in 2006.


Come on, fear of working out? Yep, that's why I skipped the gym yesterday, I'm afraid that treadmill is going to attack me! Like she can't afford to have someone assist with & monitor her workouts?

Well, her plan is this: Winfrey also writes that her goal is no longer to be thin; instead, she wants to be strong, healthy and fit (too bad Queen Latifah said it first). She hopes to get started with her upcoming "Best Life Week," starting Jan. 5 with an episode of "The Oprah Winfrey Show" during which she is expected to talk candidly about her weight. That's no surprise, she loves nothing more than talking about herself!!! Whatev Oprah...are you ever going to retire?


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Dec 8, 2008

What's With The Stache?


The first time I spotted it I thought "maybe it's the lighting" then I started spotting it here & there & now, every time I look at Lauren Conrad all I see is her mustache!! Check out this pic of her shopping at Target, it's so obvious & I know she can afford a wax so what's the deal?
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Weekend Roundup

Living Single: You Don't Want Kids?

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Dec 5, 2008

Prop 8, The Musical

Fred sent this to me & I thought it was too great not to post!
See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

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Dec 4, 2008

Strange Realization

I had the most strange realization yesterday...it has been almost 11 months since I quit smoking & now when I'm on the road I've replaced my bad habit with road rage! Yesterday I went to Dearborn after work & when I left the office it was raining & had just started & it was probably about 39 or 40 degrees out & everyone was going 35. The speed limit on Southfield is 55 so I was totally irate! I was cussing at the lady in front of me from Southfield to Dearborn which took 40 minutes instead of 25. I could not get around her & she was keeping 3 lengths between her & the car in front of her...I on the other hand was leaving about a 1/4 car length & at one point was so irritated I wanted to just gun it & drive right up the ass end of her G6. My car is terrible in the winter so if I'm not having any problems then nobody else should, bottom line. It totally hit me though that before when traffic was backed up I'd just light up another smoke, that passes the time just fine but now I just need to leave & arrive STAT. Doug suggested I take a couple Ativan before getting on the freeway but then I'd be afraid I'd just pass out at the wheel. What's to do now? I guess it's probably better than smoking though so I'll just adjust...sooner or later!
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Horoscopes For This Week!

Get your Real Detroit horoscope for the week here.
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Dec 2, 2008

For The Record


I'm an idiot! This is what I got from Britney's documentary that she made to "clear the air" to show that she's really not crazy & that's she's smart & a good person. You know what? She is dumb as a box of rocks! Watching this documentary was like watching an interview with Sarah Palin...she tried so hard to sound so smart all the time that she sounded even more stupid! My favorite quote from the show (in reference to traveling all the time & having no time for herself) "first you fly to Paris, then you fly to Europe, it's crazy". Seriously? She's separating Paris from Europe? Is it it's own continent? I laughed my ass off throughout this whole show from her calling Kevin "my baby's daddy" when speaking to a dancer from a Broadway show to "people shave their head all the time" in reference to her shaving her own. Now, the girl still has great moves, she seems to be a good mom, well at least she did in the 3 minutes her kids were on the show, and she didn't seem as crazy as she did in the past but she wonders why she is so heavily stalked by the paps! Well Brit, you are stalked by the paps because you do stupid & crazy shit all the effing time!! Obviously the whole thing was a publicity stunt since her new album is coming out but I guess I just have to say that she sounded like she wanted people to feel sorry for her, awww poor millionaire girl. All I have to say is that if she hates fame so much she needs to stop making records & appearing on TV, hello! Oh, I forgot to mention her dad...Jamie Spears=White Trash as he's standing at the stove making his baby girl some cheesy grits in his wife beater!! The whole family is a mess, bottom line & this documentary only makes it more obvious.
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Dec 1, 2008

SWAT Face Off on Turkey Day


This has to be one of the best stories I've heard in a long time. So apparently on Thanksgiving night in Montgomery Twp, NJ there was a 5 hour standoff between SWAT and a gentleman who was inside a local bank and assumed to be attempting to rob the bank. The alarm at the bank went off so local police came to check it out & discovered the man inside & then SWAT got involved. Three apartment buildings in the immediate area were evacuated just to be safe. Bull horns & phone calls were used to attempt to make contact with the person inside the bank & no response was given, no contact came from inside at all so after the long & tiring stand off SWAT decided to enter the building & when they did, they discovered a cardboard cutout of a person. There was nobody inside & nobody knows what tripped up the alarm but it could have been a large dust bunny, a big bug, a mouse, but certainly not a stationary piece of cardboard!!! Talk about a waste of tax dollars.
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Beyond Full

Ok so the holiday was good for me but not for my waistline! I ate so much food over the 4 days that I was off it probably could have fed a small nation. After having the feast on Thursday I attended a memorial for a dear friend's mother & the food there was also killer & a buffet so I over stuffed myself yet again, then that night I ate a pizza. Saturday & Sunday I did my best to "eat well" but ended up cleaning out the fridge & feasting on things like corn dogs, tacos, and chicken fingers. I fully plan to go to the gym after work today...assuming I can get through the door! I am eating my lunch now & it's good but I know I'll still be hungry when it's gone, it's definitely going to take a few days for my stomach to re-adjust to smaller portions.

Speaking of the holiday weekend, I heard some of the awful stories of Black Friday. One Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death when he opened the doors & when the store had to close due to the death people were actually pissed off!! In another store in CA 2 men ended up shooting & killing each other initially because of something involving their women getting in a fight over some toy or something & then they started chasing each other shooting & ended up dead. Again, the store had to close & people were pissed!! What the eff has this nation come to? This my friends is why I don't do black Friday...I'm small & don't need to get run over just to buy some video game unit or some shuch shit.
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Nov 28, 2008

Happy Turkey Day!


Hey everyone, I know I'm a day late but I just wanted to make sure I stopped to wish everyone a very happy Thanksgiving & holiday weekend! My plans for the rest of the weekend are to clean my apartment, put up my very first Christmas tree of my very own and do a little bit of holiday shopping. Of course I'm skipping the mayhem of Black Friday and will be shopping online or on Saturday! This X-mas season I have planned & budgeted perfectly so that I can shop for certain people each pay check & not feel so overwhelmed, this weekend I'll be picking up stuff for Doug & my Dad & finishing up a couple other people & then my next check will be last chance to shop for everyone but I think it will all work out. So make sure you are careful when you are out shopping this weekend & try not to get into any fights trying to get that last Wii or whatever else it is that's selling like hot cakes!!
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Nov 26, 2008

Worst Day of the Year


So today is "bring a kid to work day" and since I have no time left I couldn't take the day off! Luckily we close early & I got free lunch out of the deal but I got here at 8 & the kids were here & by 9 I was ready to jump out the window. The kids were sent on a scavenger hunt through the office, they were sent out into cubeville to rifle through everyone's things & take stuff. I was of course working and up and down printing stuff so I walk out of my cube & there is a large group of kids heading right for me so I stop & they are all looking behind them & 1 walks right into me, WTF? After I moved & got away from them all I can hear is screaming & the thumping of 20 children running around our cubes. Now I know the kids just want to have fun & stuff but (at the risk of sounding like Joe) isn't that a liability? What if that girl had run into me with the hanger in her hand & I got hurt or what if I ran into one of them with a pen & they got hurt? Personally I think bring a kid to work day should be canceled everywhere, because it isn't like the parents actually spend the day with their kids so what the hell is the point in bringing them? To me the day would mean coming to work with your parent & seeing what they do at work to earn the money that buys them all the things they want, not playing with other kids who were also dropped off by their parents who are in their offices working. Kids have much less sense of the importance of working & earning money for the things that they want than we did & it just keeps getting worse. I'm sure all kids aren't like that but my point is that the whole point of bring a kid to work day is totally overlooked these days, the parents seem to just see it as a day that they don't have to pay for day care.
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Nov 24, 2008

My Birthday In Review


Ok so on November 18th (day before my b-day) we headed down to Ford Field to see Madonna, which was a bit of an adventure. Doug gave us a ride & when we were about there some douche bag in a limo tried to cut Doug off in the Yukon, well Doug hit his mirror & then yelled at him out the window while Leslie freaked out in the back seat. As we were exiting the vehicle Wendy wasn't quite out yet & Doug started to drive away, since she didn't get hurt this was hysterical. We approached Ford Field & noticed giant lines which we separated & got into. Leslie had main floor while Wendy & I had "the cheap seats" so we figured out what was going on & started to wait. We waited for about 40 minutes before we got inside which sucked, it was frickin freezing & they only had 1 entrance for main floor & 1 for everyone else. We actually got inside before Leslie & when we arrived at our seats a guy stopped us & told us we had been upgraded! We were moved 2 sections over & a level closer, now this place holds like 60,000 people so we were still a "million miles away" but had a much better angle than we were supposed to. Brian picked us up after which was much easier than the ride down & all ended well. This past weekend me & the girls got together & hit up Backstreet which is the best gay club around not to mention extremely close to Dearborn. Our friend Adam & his boyfriend Brian also met up with us to celebrate a bit! I danced my ass off all night long, there was a mini drag show, I had great company, and V paid for my drinks all night. All in all I'd say it was a great effing birthday & 31 isn't all bad other than the fact that my thighs hurt so bad from dancing all night I have a hard time getting off the couch! Thanks again to everyone for their well wishes, company, and cocktails it was all greatly appreciated!!! If you want to see my pics from my b-day & Madonna click here.
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Oh No They Didn't!!


Heidi & Spencer & his flesh colored beard got married in Cabo on November 20th. First of all, who gets married on a Thursday & 2nd of all she said as soon as they said their vows she couldn't stop crying. You know why? That's right, she knew at that very moment she had made the worst decision ever & that her life was officially over! Apparently she didn't tell her parents but she did call her mom before it went down & said something was up & her mom (because she's smart) asked if they were breaking up! Anyway, Spencer said after Heidi read him some passages from the Bible like "love thy wife" when they were on some Mexican getaway he told her she should start planning their wedding again. Notice how he said she should start planning...I'm sure that is why they eloped, either that or because she totally effing pregnant! Look at that pic, why would she wear a flowy dress when everything she wears is always skin tight? Also, notice how his arms are around her belly? Also, what is with the ring? on her finger...it looks like electrical tape. She has to be pregnant, it looks like her belly is bigger than her boobs & with those implants & her skinny body she must be like 5 months by now!!! Let me point out how they had a "secret" ceremony but of course didn't forget to invite Us Weekly!
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Nov 21, 2008

Banana Bunker or Taco Tickler?


Check out this handy new gadget. Watch the video & how they have a hard time keeping a straight face while discussing the "innovative design" of the gadget. It's completely ridiculous but it is ribbed...so I guess it just may be as "functional" as they say!! I about died when I saw this, I wondered if it was a practical joke & I would just love to see whomever it is that designed this item, she's probably single & loves bananas (huh huh). No wonder it was the talk of the morning & they claim that it's one of those items that you never knew you needed until you had it!!!
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Welcom to the Bronx


Pete Wentz & Ashlee Simpson finally had their baby. They welcomed their son to the world late on Thursday & they named the poor kid Bronx Mowgli Wentz. Everyone is healthy and happy, well I assume the kid won't be happy once he's old enough to figure out that his name is awful. I just don't understand how 2 people that are from Illinois & Texas would name their kid Bronx...it's like the Beckham's naming their kid Brooklyn when they aren't even from the US! That's it, even though I don't like kids I'm gonna have one just so I can name it Hamburg, you know...cause I'm from Detroit, duh. These celebs & their jacked up baby names are really getting on my nerves!!!!
photo: wire image & clipart
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Nov 19, 2008

Happy Birthday, Have A Ticket

So Doug & I go out to breakfast this morning & as we are pulling back up at the house what is waiting for me? That's right an effing ticket! Umm, excuse me, what the hell is this for? Well, this apparently is for parking on the side street on the 3rd garbage day of the month when they say they are picking up leaves but don't or some such shit. Well guess what assbag...I don't live here, there are no signs posted ANYWHERE along my route to this house so how in the hell would I know about this stupid law? What, do they think that I get the Press & Guide to keep up on my laws & rules even though I no longer live here? This my friend is what I call bull-shit & thankfully, Doug offered to take care of it because I'm sorry, I'm not paying a ticket for some rule that I don't know exists, that there is no proof of anywhere, and that didn't exist when I lived here less than one year ago. I don't think it is even the slightest bit ok to ticket a non-resident for a non-posted law that they unknowingly disobeyed. Oh, and they gave me a ticket on my birthday about 5 years ago as well, for parking in a closed bank window station along with 3 other cars who didn't get a ticket. This city can go f**k its face :)
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Wednesday, November 19th


Today is my birthday & my plans are to spend it with the people I love the most...waiters. I am having breakfast with Doug, lunch with Leslie, and dinner with my family & I'm so looking forward to it. We are obviously running behind schedule as I wanted to eat breakfast about an hour ago but that's ok, I'll just have a small lunch :) Anyway, I'm off to start my full day of grazing. Cheers to everyone & I'll post all about Madonna later or tomorrow.
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Horoscopes for the week

Hey all, just wanted to share the horoscopes for this week from Real Detroit, enjoy :)
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Nov 17, 2008

Sunday Sunday Sunday


Yesterday myself & the ladies (Megan, Leslie, Amy, Shell) all went to the Woodbridge Pub downtown in Detroit for brunch. The brunch menu was fairly large and we all had something different. I had an omelet with ham & cheddar, Amy had these whole grain banana pancakes that were delicious & Shell had a Mexican omelet dish that was also tasty. I don't remember what Megan or Leslie had because I didn't taste theirs but I don't think any of us left anything on our plates, well, except for Shell but she can't eat that much. Anyway, not only was the food good but they also have $11 bottomless mimosas & boy oh boy did we get our $11 worth! I think our total bill for 4 meals & 5 mimosas was $96 which really isn't bad at all & we were there for 3 hours. I loved the atmosphere especially due to the absolutely random location. We took 94 to Trumbull, turned right & it was right there, across from the Wayne State athletic fields. I would definitely recommend this to anyone who likes mimosas & or brunch...it's a great little place & they got pretty busy closer to 1 & 2 so I hope it stays that way & they stay open for years to come. Even though we weren't there for it they do also have lunch and dinner & other drinks. I can see this being a very regular place for me, especially in the summer!!
photo courtesy of freep.com
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Out of My Element


So Friday night my sugar daddy "D" took me out for my b-day & our stripper friend's b-day as well. Our friend was working so we went to her adult establishment to celebrate, when we got there the place was busy but not packed. We ordered a bottle of Moet & some strawberries & kicked back & watched some boobs on the stage, well except when this one girl was up there...she seriously had no tits at all, not even mosquito bites, she only had nips. Her "top" looked like a shoelace tied around her chest...it was the most bizarre thing ever! Anyway, so a couple of D's friends meet up with us & get some food & we have anther bottle of Moet. His brother & his girl meet up with us as well & we chilled for a little bit then decide to go to another adult establishment. We arrive at said establishment & I see a couple girls out front that I had met before & say my hello's & what not then head in because I have to pee really bad. Well, I come out of the potty & find my group and as I find a place to stand (the place was busting at the seams) I look around & realize that I am 1 of 4 white people in the bar. Obviously I don't have issues with black people because I was with a large group of black people & I was the "light skinned girl" but I can say that I have never felt so out of place. I had heard about things like "making it rain" and "making it clap" and other things of the sort in (God this will make me sound so white) rap songs and in movies but I had never actually been part of it. Just imagine sitting in a booth in a strip club and having dollar bills all over you, the booth, the table, the floor, in the air, like for real "raining dollars". Thankfully my girl Michelle had told me in the past that it's considered a major faux pas if you pick up that money & keep it so I just kept collecting it & sitting it on the table. As much time as I spend with my sugar daddy I guess it just never occurred to me that he would keep things "white" when we hung out but I guess he had. Luckily we were only there for an hour but he apologized a couple times for the atmosphere & I told him I didn't care, yes I was uncomfortable & felt awkward but I didn't feel threatened or anything. I still plan on hanging out with "D" often, but the next time he suggests that place I'm saying "hell to the naw D". Obviously I don't mind being dragged to strip clubs because I never have to pay but I guess I have to draw lines occasionally because there are certain situations that just aren't fun for me, even if I'm not paying.
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